I sometimes forget how much I love cinema. Going through my 2014 movie list these past few weeks, more than ever do I realise how important it is to follow your heart and passion. I don’t know whether it was because of the choice of films. Perhaps it was the order of films that made me fall in love again. Whiplash, Birdman, Nightcrawler. I truly admire a good piece of writing, impressive camera work, insert music – chills and the sound of unforgettable lines echoing in my head, on repeat. Part of me regrets doing Cinemasia the way that I did. I was throwing myself into something I knew nothing of. But I have watched so many movies in my life – dipshit. I wanted to excel at work by day, at a job I had just started. On weekends, I had to move my stuff out of my mother’s house into our new apartment. After work was the only time I could shoot. And I had to shoot myself because GOD KNOWS WHY. I was trying to keep focus but instead I lost it.
But I’ve learnt from it. And looking back at it all, I would have done many things differently. Way different. And in spite of my somewhat major regrets, I am proud of the fact that I had the balls to follow this story I wanted to tell. In a time when I believed I had to, I did. Something I’m not doing much anymore these days. Oh how I long for those days again. Shooting outside in the cold, forgetting my backup memory card, reshooting again, having fun with these amazing ladies who were willing to help a girl out executing some foolish idea, getting yelled at by my editor for not shooting enough footage. I would go back in a second.
One day I’ll get back behind that camera again, I will. But first things first: where are those balls I was talking about.